The Power Of Becoming Your Best Self: Dating Advice with Mel Schilling and LYMA

At the heart of the LYMA journey lies becoming the best possible version of yourself in all dimensions of life.

You might have your career on track, your work-life balance in check and be physically fitter now than in your twenties, only perhaps now your relationship status has become a bit more complicated? Who better to give dating advice for men and women than psychologist, world-renowned relationship expert and frankly MAFS 'love guru', Mel Schilling?

“All women have power within them, we are just not always aware of it. With our life cycles and our hormonal cycles, we go through so many ebbs and flows in our self esteem and the way we see ourselves. We can literally look in the mirror one day and see one thing and the next we see something different. Now I’m nearly 52 and starting to move into perimenopause, everything is changing about the way that I feel in my skin, in my body and what I see when I look in the mirror.

Confidence plays such a crucial role in dating advice for women, particularly in our 40’s and 50’s; all the rules have changed and so have the tools. Admittedly, much of the work I do with my clients around dating tips is about building confidence from the inside out but it’s really important to marry up the two.

I empower them to tap into their own strength, find a real consistency in the way they see themselves and lead a confident life. If you're doing the work from the inside and starting to do the work from the outside with LYMA, you've got it nailed.”

“What messages are you telling yourself that color the way you present yourself on that first date? For example, are you telling yourself all men lie, or all women cheat? What do you believe you deserve in a relationship? Do you believe you deserve happiness? Make sure it's positive, clear and optimistic.

It's so important to tell yourself that you deserve happiness, you deserve a great healthy relationship and to find a good partner who will treat you with respect and admiration. It's so common for insecurities to crop up in dating, particularly when you're more advanced in age. Everything seems to be amplified when you are putting yourself out there and the stakes feel really high.”

“Preparing for a first date can set you up for success. Sleep is huge, it's so important. If we’ve had a good night's sleep, we look and feel better in our skin and we tend to be a lot more rational in our thinking. If ever there’s a moment where you have a blemish or you’re feeling uncomfortable about your skin, it can undermine your confidence. As women, our faces really tell the story about who we are and how we are feeling about ourselves, so one of the things that I talk to my clients about is preparation and skincare is a big part of that. A product like the LYMA Laser really helps me start to build confidence from the outside in - a good healthy skincare routine can really help to get the glow on and whilst you're doing that skincare routine, it can really help to have a little chat with yourself in the mirror - ‘I am ready for my next great relationship, I deserve to be happy and I'm about to meet the one.’ This type of self talk can get you in the mindset for a great first date.”

"I like to have a fresh approach to dating tips in our older years and it's all about authenticity.”

“If you have an aspect of your body which you feel uncomfortable with, it's very natural to focus in on that but let's flip that on its head and enter into the dating world focusing on your strengths. I'd love you to just pick one thing about yourself (on the inside) that you are comfortable with and focus on it. Maybe it's your sense of humor - if so, have a funny joke up your sleeve ready to share on that first date. Really enter that date with your number one strength top of mind, it will really help with your storytelling and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

“In the dating world, particularly the online dating world, external validation can become really dominant and it’s so normal in your 40’s and 50’s if you are putting yourself out there, to feel anxious. I think it's important to bring your focus back to your internal validation; tell yourself you're worth it and really kind of fabulous. It's like we have a radio station playing on repeat; stories that are coming from elsewhere, which probably are not serving us. The good news is you can change the station.”

"Can you get over an ick? I believe you can"

“Set boundaries around dating and make decisions that you are going to connect with people who have similar values to you. Let's say for example one of your values is health, so you are not going to be interested in wasting time with someone who is not into a healthy lifestyle. Everyone is talking about beige flags in relationships and they tend to be the things that are a little bit annoying about your partner but you just accept and put up with them. Fine if it's not something that goes against your values, but stay clear about your deal breakers.

If you are assessing your date, (because that's what a date is, it's an assessment), and they are ticking some really important boxes, then you are starting to move into the realm of the appropriate time to have the chat.”

“All dating apps are not created equally and it's so important to choose the right one for your purpose. If you are wanting a longer term committed relationship, make sure you are selecting apps which give you the opportunity to start a conversation. Use the app as an opportunity to tease out some of their values and lifestyle preferences, so you can really start doing that assessment before you meet in person.”

“Ghosting has become a very prevalent part of the dating world but it’s a very weak approach and a real cop out. I believe in dating karma and I think there’s really something to be said for giving someone feedback that they can then take into their next relationship. So if you are in this position, if someone is ghosting you and therefore feeding your insecurity, take a moment, step out of the environment. I recommend that if you have been ghosted, not to jump back into the next date straight away but take a beat. Spend some time with your friends and people who fill your soul, because being ghosted can really hurt. As humans we tend to be creatures of habit and unfortunately that can lead to us dating the same person in different clothing over and over again. It can be a really good exercise to take a look at the patterns in your own dating; are there certain characteristics that you keep becoming drawn to? Take a moment to reflect and think about whether these characteristics are actually serving you or whether it's time for a change.”

Whether you want to optimize your sleep, performance, mental state or skin, with LYMA the power to change is in your hands.